Neil Hudson-Basing shares why his festive season is better than ever now that he celebrates sober.
For many people out there, the holiday season is considered a time to unwind, let loose, indulge and come together to celebrate and be jolly. Tis’ the season, right? Tra-la-la-la-la & all that. But in reality, it ends up being something quite different. For me, it was always an excuse for a full on boozefest.
Time to relax and reflect, routine, boundaries and cash go flying out of the window, or our accounts. We’re bombarded by traditions, demands and obligations - many of which, as queer people, are often challenging and emotionally taxing. There's the relentless stream of advertising, Christmas songs in every shop, the pressure to buy, compromise and conform. Excess all around us, particularly when it comes to food & alcohol. We lean in and surrender to it—it’s easy to get swept up and drink our way through it. But then, it’s all over so quickly and we’re left wondering, often with a sore head, was it worth it?
I don’t want to be pessimistic, or a Scrooge, about the holidays. I love throwing myself into festivities. However, until I went sober, Christmas and New Year was very much centred around alcohol. Every year, 1st January would roll around and I’d feel a combination of a) hungover and b) exhausted from all the visits/social events/parties. That’s not to say it wasn’t fun. It was - mostly. But it felt far, far, far from a holiday!
I last drank on 31 December 2018. After a particularly heavy December I resolved to quit drinking for a few months. I work better with definitive dates so 1st January as a start date sat comfortably with me. I ended up extending my sober goal to a whole year as the time flew by so fast and I was enjoying the challenge - that was now almost six years ago!
I still remember how conflicted I felt as the prospect of my first sober Christmas approached - would I enjoy it as much? Well, I really did. I certainly didn’t expect it to be even better without alcohol. The holiday season these days looks and feels very different for me having adopted an alcohol-free lifestyle. I wish I’d known how amazing it could all be without booze being front and centre. Over the years, I’ve established why that’s the case. Here’s how…
Less wasted, blurry days.
The combination of boozy, hungover states accompanied by food comas with little routine meant the days during the holiday season tended to all roll into one which also meant it flew by too quickly. Being sober generally comes with the capacity to be more productive - with less time spent feeling rubbish, I now have more time to get out and do nice things during the festive season.
Embracing intentionality.
With a clearer head, I’m much more intentional about how I spent the holiday season - and who with! I now use this time to enjoy my home, switch off and grab moments to relax. Last year when suffering from burnout, I barely saw anyone and at a time when I needed to rest, this was a game changer for my mental health. While I’d previously rush around to make sure I see EVERYONE, I refuse to do this now. I don’t have to catch up with every single family member simply because it’s Christmas. Which brings me onto my next point…
Time with chosen family.
We really do get to choose who we spend our precious time with. For us queer folk, this might be our chosen family just as much, or more so, than our families of origin. The holiday season for many in the LGBTQ+ community can be a struggle. It’s not just about acceptance or a need to conform. Many of us, like me, have estranged relationships with some of our relatives, so it’s not always the big special family occasion it’s made out to be. There’s also the issue of misaligned beliefs, opinions and values which can make everyday conversations fraught and boundaries difficult to maintain - especially when in close proximity at the dinner table for example. At the end of the year, who has the spoons for that? No thanks!
I do see some of my family but I opted out of family Christmases many years ago in favour of spending it with my chosen family. Spending time with those who accept, affirm & love us unconditionally should be accessible at all time, including the holidays.
Self care isn’t compromised - it’s prioritised.
The holidays are a great time to rejuvenate and take a break from work, or a chance to relax any strict habits around diet and exercise. But it doesn’t have to be. This is your time, use it as you wish. Routine is important to me and whilst I’m more than happy to close my laptop for a while, exercise is a non-negotiable for my mental and physical health, as I’ve written about before, so I choose to maintain it during the festive season. I even go for a run every Christmas morning as that gives me a bit of me-time and sets me up for a day of company!
It’s still fun!
Being sober does not detract from the holiday spirits. The joy from giving and receiving presents, festive songs, tasty food and drinks and great company isn’t dependent on alcohol. You can still go to that party & have a fantastic time, or enjoy a sit down meal, without alcohol. There are so many brilliant alcohol-free alternatives out there. The trick to navigating these situations is being prepared, either with your own bottle of 0% goodness or a firm answer in mind should your choice to abstain get questions. Don’t let those things prevent you from enjoying yourself!
Queering up the holidays
As queer people, we naturally disrupt traditions & expectations. We’ve been doing it all along for centuries so don’t stop at the holidays! You get to create new rituals that are just as special and work for you. With queerness going against the grain generally, what’s queerer than challenging social norms around excessive festive drinking?!
Start the year as you mean to go on…
For someone like me who loves self development, goal setting, vision boards & sussing out my word for the year, the holidays are a crucial time for me to reflect & scope out what I want to achieve next. Feeling fresh and rested with a clear head is how I choose to start the new year these days and it’s made a huge difference when it comes to working through my ambitions and goals as well as sticking to my intentions.
In conclusion...
When I think back to previous holiday seasons vs now, I’m so grateful to be where I am. This year marks my sixth sober holiday season and I wouldn’t go back now. I’d urge everyone to give it a try too - in a non-preachy or judgemental way of course. Give yourself the time you need to unwind from the busy, tumultuous year that 2024 has been. Enjoy quality time with friends/loved ones/pets, either at home or out and about, but in an environment you want to be in, rather than one you feel obliged to be in.
Reflect on what went well and even toast yourself with a tasty alcohol-free drink (there’s so many great choices out there)! The rhetoric around sobriety has shifted - you don’t have to have a problem to want to change your relationship with alcohol. You can simply want more out of life. I promise you, you aren’t missing out - there’s so much gay joy to tap into and fun to be had from sober living or moderation.
Create space to consider your hopes & goals for 2025 with a clear head. You’ll be thankful when January rolls around!
Neil Hudson-Basing (he/him) Neil is We Create Space's Events Manager based in London, with over 18 years experience in the events industry. Neil has delivered and hosted events, as well as spoken and written about, a broad range of hard-hitting & sensitive topics including violence against women & girls, male allyship, racism, sustainability, LGTBQ+ inclusion, menopause and sobriety. In 2022, he co-launched London’s newest alcohol and drug-free clubbing event called The House of Happiness, a queer led & delivered venture, to help address the lack of LGBTQ+ sober spaces.
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